All That and More

“Your beauty and love chase after me every day of my life. I’m back home in the house of God for the rest of my life.”
Psalm 23:6

I always heard He was a Provider. They always told me that He was a Redeemer. I read somewhere that He was a Deliver. Rumor had it that He was a Savior.

But when I look back on my journey with God, I realize that I never knew these things for myself. Sure, maybe He provided for my parents. I don’t doubt that He redeemed that girl with the amazing testimony. I could believe that He delivered that man who spoke in church one Sunday. And I didn’t find it hard to trust that He saved those people at the altar. But what about me?

Then something happened….

I don’t for one second believe that God wants us to make bad decisions just to prove that He’s awesome. He doesn’t need that. He’s awesome all by Himself—it’s just who He is. I’m sure that He would rather see us doing all of the things that He’s always asked us to do, and enjoying the fruit of obedience to Him.

But He knows us. Better yet, He knows ME. He knew even before the world began where I would stumble and where I would fall. He knew how far I would stray and just what it would take to bring me back. Someone once said to me not too long ago, when I was going through one of the darkest periods in my life, “If you’re really His, He’ll bring you back. He’ll do whatever it takes to bring you back. The question is: what’s it going to take?” And He did it. He did whatever it took to bring me back. Not so that He could punish me. Not so that He could chastise me and condemn. But because He’s madly in love with me. And He wants more for my life.

I always heard He was a Provider. Now He’s constantly providing for me. They always told me He was a Redeemer. Now, His blood forever serves as the payment for my sins past, present, and future. I read somewhere that He was a Deliverer. Now, I remember the day that He snatched my destiny out of the pit of hell. Rumor had it that He was a Savior. It’s no rumor, my friends. He LIVES to be my Savior.

This relationship is real. And it’s available to ANYONE who wants it. How do I know? Because He chased me down with His love and pursued me with His grace. He captured my heart and wooed me to the point of complete and total surrender to Him. I feel like I’m in on some big secret. Every time I think about Him, I can’t help but smile. He gives me butterflies. He makes my heart flutter. And this same love that He has for me is available to ANYONE who wants it. I could talk religion all day. I could quote Bible stories until I passed out. But there’s so much more that He wants for us. He wants relationship. And believe me it’s worth it! To know Him is to be completely in love with Him.

I used to hear them talk about who He was. Now, I know for myself. He’s Provider, Redeemer, Deliverer, Savior, Protector, Shelter, Peace, Hope, Joy, Everlasting Love, Life, Strength…and He’s more…HE’S SO MUCH MORE!

Song of the Week: Surely Goodness by Israel Houghton (sorry guys, there's no youtube video for this one yet...but you HAVE to go buy his new CD...SERIOUSLY!!!)

Song of the Week #2:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_BW3lSPqqI4&feature=PlayList&p=F5F3DE9A6B310319&index=8&playnext=2&playnext_from=PL

Come Away With Me...

Ok, so I know it's been a long time since my last post. I was kind of hoping that I would be able to keep up with this a little better...but then midterms appeared and well, you know the rest. Anwyway, I promise I'll try A LOT harder to be consistent with this.

A little update on the life of...ME. Well, let's see, the school year is almost over and I can't believe it. I'm about to officially be a senior in college. I've already started working on my senior thesis and looking at grad schools! Can you believe that? Me neither. Besides the midterms (which I absolutely believe should be outlawed as cruel and unusual punishment), the actual learning part of this semester has been pretty awesome. I'm taking classes that I absolutely love, and it's great knowing that the things that I'm learning now are actually going to apply to my future career (as opposed to Trigonometry, which I plan to NEVER use again...lol)

The other part of school has been, well, interesting. God has been giving me lots and lots of favor. But, as usual, He's also allowing me to encounter lots of challenges. When I wrote in my last post that God was helping me grow my patience, I had no idea what was ahead. This has been an incredibly hard school year for me and the more I sit here and think about all of the things that I've been through and am going through, the more I am amazed at the grace of God. Seriously, He's incredible. I know that I couldn't have made it without Him. And if you would have told me that I was going to have a year like this school year, I would have told you that there was NO WAY that I could make it out of something like this. But, not only am I still standing, but I'm believing that like the Hebrew boys, when I get out of this furnace, I won't even have the scent of fire on my clothes!!!

Recently I read Song of Solomon...and I fell in love with Jesus all over again. There are few different opinons on why this book is the Bible. Some people say that it's there to illustrate the love that should exist between a man and a wife. Some people say that it's there to illustrate the love that Jesus has for His bride (us). Well, since I'm not married, I got a lot of benefit out of looking at it as the way Jesus loves me, His bride.

Song of Solomon 4: 8
"Come with Me from Lebanon, my bride. Leave Lebanon behind, and come. Leave your high mountain hideaway. Abandon your wilderness seclusion, where you keep company with lions and panthers guard your safety."

As soon as I read this verse, I heard the words "come away with Me." In spite of everything that you're going through, in spite of everything that's going on around you, "come away with Me." In spite of your busyness, your worries, and your fears "come away with Me."

I am amazed, simply amazed at how much God loves me--even though I have so many faults. He longs for time with me!!! He wants me to come away with Him because that's where I find my peace. He wants me to come away with Him because that's where I am fulfilled. He wants me to come away with Him because that's where He can deal with the things in me that don't please Him. He wants me to come away with Him because that's where He heals every hurt and mends every wound. He wants me to come away with Him because that's where I can truly get to know Him.

He doesn't force me. He simply waits patiently whispering "come away with Me." I admit, I don't always listen. Sadly, there are times when I tell Him "not, now, maybe later." I don't stop to notice the sadness in His eyes that lingers as a result of being rebuffed by His bride.

Then there are times--those unforgettable times--when I take His hand. It is then, when I come away with Him, that I see everything that I've been missing. And I wonder how I ever refused His request before. And there I am, just me and my Love...I wish I could describe how incredible this feels, but words don't do it justice...it's something that you have to experience first hand when you hear the King quietly whisper to you, "Come away with Me."

Anjelica

Song of the Week: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QtNzOpKvPfw

P.S. Mom, if you're reading this, please don't be mad that it's 3:45 in the morning. I promise, I do sleep :-)

Let It Grow?

"For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow..."

-James 1:3-4

I know it has been a long time since I've last blogged. It's actually been a little longer than I had intended. So much has changed since last September. I'm older, and hopefully A LOT wiser. I've given up so many things that were very important to me in favor of the only thing that truly matters, my Heavenly Father. I've loved and laughed and cried and prayed and fallen and gotten back, but the one constant has been that I have a ridiculously gracious, incredibly faithful Savior who loves me in spite of me. One of my favorite songs says "not what I was, but what I could be, that's how Mercy saw me." I'm the living testament to that song. And I live to be a testament to that song.

So what is this blog going to be? You know, when I started this blog, it was just going to be a way for my friends and family to know what was going on in my life. Maybe it was even going to be a release for me--isn't it ironic that someone with no joy, no peace, and absolutely no hope for her future would look to a blog to find a release? Anyway, times have changed. My life has changed. I've found my hope, my joy, and peace...or better yet, He found me. So, I hold to my previous post. This blog was inspired by Jasmine, and now more than ever she weighs heavily on my mind. In light of eternity, I refuse to waste my life. Jasmine taught me that life is short, but eternity is forever. I'm living my life, with the hopes that none would "perish but all should come to repentance." I'm living my life to hear "Well done."

Often, people think of life as a Christian as one big, happy, unrealistic and probably very boring party. They have these Hollywood-generated ideas of people who never struggle and are basically out of touch of reality. This blog is my dose of reality. Yes, if you read it, you will be able to keep up with the details of my life, which is great. But, hopefully, and more importantly, you'll get to see what it's really like to be a Christian--at least for me. Let me clear something up from the start, LIFE AS A CHRISTIAN IS THE MOST AMAZING EXPERIENCE YOU WILL EVER HAVE. There is nothing else like it. It will blow your mind every single day if you let it. Believe me, I've been on both sides of the fence. I've done my own thing. I've lived for myself. I've sought happiness in doing nice things for people (which is great), boys (which are great...lol), school work (...ehhhh), and living the party life (...at least the dancing is great). And I can tell you with all of the conviction and sincerity that I have in me, there is NOTHING better than living life for Christ. There is NOTHING better than life more abundantly. Life as a Christian is life fulfilled. But I'm also human, and life as a human is sometimes very, very hard. I don't deny that. I don't pretend like life is always easy. But I do promise you that at the end of the day, when everything is said and done, I'm happy to be on this side of the fence, because He (Christ, the Love of My Life), stands beside me.

Welcome to reality....

This past week was a very hard week for me. God has been challenging me to grow up since the beginning of this year. It's funny, I'm only a month and a half into 2009 and I can already see some themes emerging. He wants me to "find my voice" (thank you, Bishop Harry Jackson), learn some patience (thank you to the countless people who have been testing it...lol), and trust Him. In the past I've seen the challenge to trust Him as sort of punishment. I think to myself, "Okay, all I've got to do is get through this horrible time of trusting God and then I can be happy." I've thought this way about many things: choosing a college, my singleness/relationships, and now, graduate school. So, what I like to pretend is trusting Him is really just being unhappy and worrying and even biding my time until I think I can force His hand. But then something happened this week. He gave me a verse that I've heard what seems like thousands of times. But, this time, something different struck me.

James 1:3-4 "For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything."

For the first time, the words "So let it grow" stood out to me. "So what are You saying, God," was the first thing I said. And then He made it clear. I can fight Him all I want by worrying, and choosing not to take joy in the fact that He has a plan and that He's taking care of everything, but my endurance won't have a chance to grow that way. Instead, I have to "let it grow." So for me, that means no more worrying, no more fighting, no more anticipating how it's all going to work out, no more strongly suggesting (to the point of nagging...lol) to God what I think the best plan would be. It means a lot more trusting, a lot more living in this day (because He made it), a lot more taking my instructions as they come, and a lot more going with the flow (aka going where He leads...thanks B. Wade).

Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely a work in progress. I have to challenge myself every single day to "let it grow." And sometimes (like today in fact) I fail miserably. But, His mercies are new every single morning and He sees me, not just as I am, but also as I could be.

So, in answer to my question: Yup, LET it grow.

My song of the week: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5PgheXxLqQ

Foreward

"A Beautiful Struggle"

Welcome to my blog. I feel honored that you have chosen to read this. I feel even more honored that my words, my simple words are worth your time. I'd like to think of this as an unofficial post--an introduction into things to come. You may wonder why I called this blog, "A Beautiful Struggle." It is in honor of a friend of mine who passed away. My friend, Jasmine Dora Queen, lived her life by the motto "A Beautiful Struggle." She persevered through the struggle and did so with all of the grace and beauty that her name suggested. Jasmine will never be forgotten just as those who went before her remain engraved upon my heart.

I'm going to be real about this struggle with all of its beauty and its accompanying pain. I'm going to let you into my world. I'm going to write from my soul. And maybe, just maybe through these words, these simple words, you will be a part of my beautiful struggle.